In this chat we’ll be looking at the ‘Live’ element of Dying Matters’ ‘Talk, Plan, Live’ themed week; to find out more about Dying Matters Awareness week please visit the Dying Matters website or follow them on twitter @DyingMatters or search #YODO what does it mean to live and be dying? How can we as nurses and individuals help those who are about to die be living in the way they wish? 

The Dying Matters week starts with these #wecommunities conversations, talking see the Monday 18th May chat, and planning, as we see in Weds 20th May chat. Then it’s time for living in one way or another on Thursday 21st May 2015. Bring your ideas, questions and insights and examples to inspire us all. Remember to use hashtags #wenurses #YODO so we can see your contributions to the chat and in catching up afterwards.

Here are some thoughts and ideas to start you off with. Death was a common experience for everyone, before professionalization of medicine supported by scientific discoveries in the last 3 centuries led to cures and ameliorating treatments; these began to lengthen lives and necessitate the development of centres of expertise called hospitals. Death continues to claim us all in one way or another and though many advances in treatments have come through wars and disasters dying and living continue to be present together.

There are many examples of people trying to express their thoughts about the possibility of impending death, as well as those who have knowledge that their life is limited compared to the expectations of a statistically normal life span. The centenary commemorations of WW1 have brought a fresh focus to the diaries, letters, poetry and art work that came out of that conflict. Before then much drama was written to address thoughts and experiences of death. Shakespeare and Dickens wrote about it; the late Terry Pratchett featured the character of Death in his Discworld novels. In the late 20th century people who had noticed that death was rarely spoken or written about began writing about their experiences with cancer as they faced dying. Two journalists wrote books based on weekly newspaper columns; John Diamond (1999) C: Because Cowards Get Cancer Too and Ruth Picardie (1997) Before I Say Goodbye. They were in effect precursors of the blogs we see today. A recent example is Clive James whose poetry written as he acknowledges his dying is acclaimed. 

We are now in a digital age with an immediacy and access to the lives of others that brings us closer albeit vicariously to the experience of death. We can attend Death Cafes  to explore ideas about death, dying and living. So conversations about death are more common place, even though it has needed campaigns like Dying Matters to encourage the conversations to begin. For this chat we’d like to focus on the living with dying element; what can we do to support those who are dying to live in the way they wish? There are ways to commemorate our lives, in memory boxes and books, as well as using digital media. What practical steps can help the dying person live? Is the phrase ‘dying person’ appropriate to use? Living – what’s it like to live knowing you may die suddenly? How do transplant teams support people to live whilst waiting? Is it okay to choose to go quietly? What efforts would you go to, to live, knowing death is coming soon? What is it like to live whilst experiencing loss, such as not having children? How come some people seem calm and accepting whilst others would rather avoid any consideration of the possibility of death? It would be good to see positive examples of how we can help others live; after all we only live once too.